


Stay With Me

by icegirl99



Series: You Love Him [8]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Dark Past, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 21:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: Copia opens up about his part of his past to Papa.





	Stay With Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was not easy to write. There is some mature content in this that may be triggering to abuse survivors. Nothing explicit however. I am not done with exploring Copia's past, more of that will come next. I will also be exploring Papa's past as well.

“Fuck,” Papa muttered quietly to himself as he climbed off the loveseat to stand next to it. He kept his distance, giving Copia the space that he knew he needed. Copia wasn’t looking at Papa, instead looking straight ahead at the wall, breathing heavily. “I did not mean to trigger you, Cardinal,” Papa said. 

“It’s not your fault, Papa,” Copia whispered, still refusing to look at his Pope. “You could not have known.” He gave Papa a quick glance. 

“Are you alright?” Papa’s soft voice was laced with concern as he moved to sit back down onto the chair. 

“I will be,” Copia said quietly. “I need a few moments.” Papa nodded and moved his eyes to the floor. There were quite a few things that Papa wanted to say, but he kept quiet, knowing that if he brought up too many bad memories it would be bad for both of them. A few minutes past before the Cardinal spoke again. “You know though, don’t you?” he asked, voice monotone. 

Papa raised his head and sighed quietly. “I have a suspicion,” Papa said. Copia looked at him and his eyes were pained. “It is not the first time I have seen this type of reaction in a fellow clergy member.” Papa stopped and shifted, turning towards Copia and crossing his legs. 

“Then you understand.” It wasn’t a question. Copia’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. 

“No, Cardinal,” Papa shook his head slowly. “I understand why you stopped my attempt to take our kiss to the next level, but I do not understand what you are feeling. That is something I cannot possibly know.” Copia bit his lip and closed his eyes, letting the tears fall. Papa uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, he thought about taking Copia’s hand but instead put his own head in his hands for a moment. When he looked up at his Cardinal, he smiled slightly, sympathetically. “I’m in love with you my sweet Copia,” Papa said, voice soft. 

“I know,” Copia whispered. His eyes met Papa’s and Papa thought how beautiful the Cardinal looked, regardless of his smeared eye makeup and the tears running down his cheeks. “Does this change anything?” 

“Of course not,” Papa replied. He reached out then, Copia recoiled slightly at the touch but allowed Papa to wipe away a tear. “I want you to know that I won’t push for a physical relationship. It is obvious you are not comfortable with that.” 

“I have had physical relationships before, you know that,” Copia said and paused for a second. “I’ve used them to help me feel better.”

“As a coping mechanism,” Papa added sadly. He had heard of assault victims using sex as a method of coping with the internal struggle but Copia was the first he had seen actually using it.

The Cardinal nodded. “This is different.” 

“Because I love you?” Papa asked.

“Because I love you too.” Copia stopped talking and looked at the wall again. More tears falling. 

“It was a lover, yes? That hurt you?” Papa gently rubbed his thumb on the Cardinal’s cheek, attempting to provide some comfort. Copia nodded. “I understand.” Papa dropped his hand. “I won’t hurt you,” Papa said. At least not in the physical sense, he thought miserably. He sighed quietly. “How long ago?” he asked. 

The Cardinal shifted, sitting up before replying. “Years ago,” he said. “I was young, in my early twenties.” 

Papa reached for Copia’s hands, taking them in his. He squeezed gently. “May I ask you some questions, my dear Copia?” Papa asked softly. “You do not need to answer them and you can say no, but I feel this may help us both.”

“Please do not ask me to go into detail, Papa,” his Cardinal was pleading with him. 

“I will not,” Papa assured him, squeezing Copia’s hands again. 

Copia took a breath and starting talking before Papa could ask him anything. “It goes back further than that,” Copia said. “I do not know how much you know of my past prior to joining the clergy, Papa.” 

Papa shook his head, he knew little of the Cardinal’s past. When Copia had first joined the Papa had just been a young priest and paid little attention to new members of the clergy, except for those he found attractive. At the time Copia had seemed very shy and reserved, something that Papa often didn't enjoy in his partners. Oh how that had changed, Papa thought. 

"I was given up at birth," the Cardinal continued. "I do not know who my biological parents are. Most of my early life was spent bouncing back and forth between different family homes and organizations for homeless youth." He paused and looked at Papa. Papa saw an emptiness in Copia's eyes and he knew that whatever Copia had done to block these memories had made him numb to them. "The majority of those places were not the best places to live in. I often found myself alone and isolated from the outside world." He stopped again and took a breath. "One home in particular," he looked at Papa and hardened his gaze. "A Catholic family brought me the most distress." 

Papa laughed quietly. "That is no surprise." 

Copia ignored him. "As a child I would often return from school to be locked away in my bedroom alone with a small amount of food. Not to see the outside of that room again until the next morning when I would return to school." Papa watched as his Cardinal took in a shaky breath. He pulled his hands from Papa's grip and began to fidget with them. "There were times when…" Copia's eyes filled with tears and he began to cry, chest shaking with sobs. 

"Take your time, Copia," Papa whispered soothingly. His heart was breaking, Papa felt his own eyes start to sting. 

"I would be made to feel like I was worthless, they would often hit me. Not enough to cause physical damage. If there were signs of abuse I would be taken away from them. They did not want that." 

"Sweet Lucifer," Papa whispered. He felt a wave of growing anger but forced it away. "How long did you stay with them?"

"Until I was 8 years old," Copia replied. 

"Did you report the abuse?" Papa asked gently. 

"No," the Cardinal looked away. "There were other things going on. It wasn't just emotional or physical. At the time I was too young to understand what was happening." 

Papa got up suddenly, feeling a burning rage within him. He started pacing in an attempt to control himself. He was muttering obscenities and cursing the God that had allowed this to happen to his beloved Cardinal. He had a strong urge to seek the people who were responsible for this and make them pay. 

Copia's eyes followed him around the room. He looked slightly frightened. "Papa?" the Cardinal's voice was quiet and apprehensive. 

Papa stopped when he realized how he must've made Copia feel. "I am sorry, Cardinal," Papa took a breath and sat back down. He was still jittery with anger. He reached for Copia, once again taking his hands. "I cannot imagine what that was like. I have experienced my own problems with my father and brothers, but not to the extent at which you have." 

Copia cried and got up slowly. Papa watched him move across the room to a dark solid oak door. The Cardinal opened it and went inside, leaving the door open. After a moment Papa followed him into the bedroom. 

Copia's room was simple. Dark oak bedroom furniture matched the door. The floor and walls similar to those in the living area. The bed was large but smaller than Papas’. A red comforter on top of it. 

Copia climbed into the bed and curled up, sobbing into a pillow. Papa moved to the side of the bed and got down onto the floor on his knees. "I can't do anymore tonight Papa," Copia sobbed. 

Papa brought a hand to the Cardinal's shoulder and gripped it lightly. "I don't expect you to," Papa replied quietly. He was fighting his own tears. Copia cried even harder and Papa couldn't fight anymore. He let his tears fall. 

"I'm sorry, Papa," Copia whimpered through his sobs. 

"Do not be sorry," Papa whispered. "You did nothing wrong." He moved his hand to grab the Cardinal's hand. Copia held onto him tightly. 

"Please stay with me," Copia begged. "I do not want to be alone." 

Papa used his other hand to wipe some tears away from Copia's cheek. "I am not leaving you, my dear Copia," Papa said, rubbing the back of his Cardinal's hand soothingly. "I will stay right here on the floor with you for as long as you need me." 

Copia looked at Papa with glassy tear-filled eyes. "I want you to hold me, Papa," he whispered. 

Papa regarded the Cardinal empathetically. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes," Copia replied. 

Papa smiled softly and got his feet. He rubbed Copia's hand once more with his thumb before climbing into the bed behind his Cardinal. He settled into the mattress and wrapped his arms around Copia, pulling him close. 

Copia turned in Papa's arms and buried his head in his Pope's chest. His tears were soaking Papa's suit but neither cared. Papa pressed a loving kiss to Copia's head and stroked his hair lightly. Both held each other until they fell asleep.


End file.
